Alyscia Cunningham, self-portrait.
Was the question my coach asked me during our conversation this week. Feeling confused, I paused for a little bit, and repeated that same question to myself. “What’s holding me back?” I’ve worked passionately hard on FEMININE TRANSITIONS over the past two years. I photographed all the models, collected and edited all quotes, tailored and organized all model releases, shot and edited my videos (self-taught, I never knew anything about video editing before my book), designed my book, followed-up with models, held numerous fundraisers (on-line as well as events), etc. The point is, I wear many hats and have done 95% of everything having to do with FEMININE TRANSITIONS, all by myself. Which is pretty typical of a self-published author. Unfortunately, I still haven’t raised enough fund necessary to print my book. Is that the reason it’s not published as yet?
Going back to that question…what’s holding me back? Why am I not getting the results from all the energy I’m putting out into the Universe. There can only be one problem. Me. I’ve realized that although it is my desire to share FEMININE TRANSITIONS with the world, I AM HOLDING ME BACK. I know, your thinking, but you’re doing everything necessary to make it possible. Yes I am but I am also getting in my way. I’ve noticed that as blissful as success may seem, I’ve been afraid of it. It’s like playing a mental tug of war with myself. I want to be a world renowned author and share my vision of self-love but I don’t want to sacrifice the time with my children. I want to travel the globe and share my story but I don’t want to leave my family behind. I want to network and make connections, but I am not allowing myself the opportunity to be present. I want to move forward but I am still stuck in my past experiences which became present circumstances.
“There can be no progress, no achievement without sacrifice.”
I make an affirmation to myself. NO MORE STEPPING ON MY OWN TOES. The only person I have to blame for failing and not getting back up to finish the race, is me. Now I make the necessary changes and move forward. I sacrifice the time necessary to promote FEMININE TRANSITIONS. I sacrifice being vulnerable and open to input. I sacrifice letting go of the baggage I’ve been carrying. I sacrifice being a 24×7 mom and wife. No more tug of war!
Does this suggest that I have to turn my back from being with my family? Does it make me less of a mom if I spend a little more time following my dreams? Absolutely not! Furthermore, following my passion will most definitely satisfy my soul, creating more happiness within me. The saying goes,” if moms not happy, no one is happy.” And this mama needs to satisfy the calls of her inner being.
So today I free myself and allow the spirit of my ancestors and the Universe to guide my path towards progress and opportunity. I OPEN THE DOORS TO WHAT IS WAITING FOR ME. Iyanla Vanzant said it best in a beautiful message she emailed to me yesterday:
“What I know to be true is – – what God has for you, is for you! Continue your work! Stay faithful and prayed up! Ask your guardians, angels and guides to bring the right people, at the right time, to do the right work in your life and all things will work together for your good success.”
To my coach, Lane Cobb, who had those tough conversations with me, providing me the with the tools to do a self archaeological dig…I thank you! I look forward to sharing my progress with you! Stay tuned…I’m on it!
Peace, love & blessings