My husband and I have been together for over 12 years. The physical attraction between the two of us was evident from our first encounter. The appeal heightened after a few seconds into our initial conversation. Soon after we briefly spoke of that fact that we had a deeper mental chemistry. In other words, we were not only attracted to each other physically but found each other mentally stimulating as well. How sexy is that?
I thought today’s blog would relate to the topic of my book, Feminine Transitions: a photographic celebration of natural beauty, relating the appreciation of authenticity when it comes to uniting two people as a matchmaker. However, after interviewing Paul C. Brunson, matchmaker, coach and author of It’s Complicated, I gained a new understanding of what attraction and connection truly represent to everyone on an individual basis. Through our conversation I discovered what shaped the very attraction I had for my husband when we first met.
What are most men looking for in a woman? What are the majority attracted to?
A mans upbringing most likely determines what he is attracted to. Therefore the females that he grows up with play a significant roll in his life when it comes to choosing a partner. For example, if he grew up in a house hold with sisters that often walked topless he will probably like a woman is a free spirit and may even enjoy walking around topless freely at home. It’s simply comes down to what he was used to and comfortable with growing up.
(Note: this was an AHA moment for me. Paul’s answer put so many things into perspective. I also realized that what I’m attracted to as a woman is a reflection of my relationship with my father. Although my husband and father have different personalities, they have very similar characteristics. Great stuff!)
Read Paul’s article on Essence.com The Top 7 Things That Really Attract Men (and Why!)
What advice do you give your clients before meeting her match for the first time?
I don’t give any advice. I let the chemistry speak for itself. I always recommend a match meet for no more than 30 minutes on the first date.
Why is that? The first attraction is physical attraction and people typically know right of the back if they are attracted to each other. If two people aren’t interested in each other there is not reason to stay on a date any longer than 30 minutes. This way they don’t waste any time.
Is there a particular age range that you work with most?
I work with all ages but, when I first started I the majority of my clients were professionals in their 30’s-40’s. After I started airing on TV and radio the response shifted. Surprisingly I received a larger reaction from individuals in their 20’s. I believe that’s related to the age group of the particular channels as well as radio.
However, there is no age limit. I’ve set a up a successful match for someone that was 68.
Are there any significant differences when matching younger or older women?
From my observation women in their twenties don’t really have a “list” of what they desire in a man. If they do, it’s pretty short. The twenties is more of a carefree period. Given that they are not completely aware of who they are as individuals they are still searching for what it is they want.
Women in their thirties typically have long “list” of characteristics for their ideal man. Maybe sometimes even unrealistic. It is specific about what they want from head to toe.
The forties and fifties women seem to retreat back to the twenties group. Their list is not very long and more direct and indepth. They also tend to go with the flow and are more secure in who they are and what they want.
Do you think being a Matchmaker is what you were born to do?. Most people don’t know that I’m also a coach. I enjoy working with people to help them discover their purpose and accomplish their goals. I feel most at harmony with life when I’ve changed or influenced someone’s life positively.
What is beautiful you? Life
Paul’s unparalleled ability for successful matchmaking and coaching comes from really knowing and understanding his clients and their needs. Like his clients, he is cultured, well-traveled, well-educated and trained – he holds a graduate degree from a top business school, as well as additional certifications. His professional career started as an investment banker and most recently included a senior position with a top international firm. He is also a philanthropist who co-founded and chairs a foundation that focuses on school rehabilitations in the U.S. and Jamaica.
Understanding that a matchmaker is truly a guide to help clients achieve self actualization, Paul received his life coaching certification. Next, Paul further immersed himself in the art and science of matchmaking by training with Harvard Business school graduate, New York Times bestselling author, and matchmaker, Rachel Greenwald. Lastly, to ensure he was as knowledgeable as possible about the dynamics of human relationships and love, Paul undertook a literary review of hundreds of books and academic journals on psychology, sociology and behavioral science. Paul then put his acquired learning to the test by practicing pro-bono throughout 2009.
Paul’s expertise and unique understandings of love and relationship have made him a sought after expert on dating, self-actualization and relationships. Paul’s understanding and insights into romantic and lasting relationships have been featured on Dr. Drew’s LifeChangers, ANDERSON, the Washington Post, Essence, Extra, The Root, The Grio, AOL Black Voices, ABC news and Hot 97. In addition to participating in numerous relationship and community-focused panels, Paul also served as the first male speaker for the 2011 Black Enterprise Women of Power Conference and was the keynote speaker for the 2011 iDate Matchmaking Conference, the largest internet dating conferences in the US. Read Paul’s inspiring biography on his website.
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